I recently heard that when trials come your way and you feel anything but close to God that two things can happen – you can wallow in the pain or you can choose praise. I want to be one of those people who chooses to praise in the chaos. I want to be known for praising in the hallway, but sometimes I’m far from the person who chooses praise over wallow. I let my circumstances take over my feelings and emotions, and I lose sight of the one who has my future already written. I forget that I’m not the one here in control.
You know, remembering, vocalizing, and writing about the times that God HAS come through for us is an excellent reminder for our hearts. It’s a reminder that He is indeed who He says He is – FAITHFUL. He showed up in this circumstance. He came through for me then. He will come through for me now. Sometimes friends, we need to be reminded of that, and that’s okay.
I tend to fall into the pit of wallow when things turn from good to bad, and I’ll be 100% honest with you, sometimes it takes awhile for me to shake the feelings. So, today because I’m going through a season of waiting, pain, and what feels like chaos, I’m going to share with you a time where God DID come through for me because today MY heart needs that reminder that He is who He says He is – FAITHFUL.
*Warning: this story is super personal and super special to me. This is hands down the BEST God experience I’ve ever had. It’s actually probably the BEST thing that’s ever happened to me. If you’re anything like me, you may need tissues. Ok, carry on.*
If you know me well enough, you know that I have a heart of a missionary. This dream, this desire has been something that’s always been there but hidden in the shadows. Helping others. Serving people. It’s what I was made for, and I know that. I’ve KNOWN that, and if I’m being frank, I believe it’s what we were ALL made for, but that’s beside my point here. There has always been a part of me that yearned to travel across the world to help the needy. I can remember sitting in a church pew as a young kid hurting for the child on the pamphlet that the missionary priest handed out. I can remember thinking, “I want to change the world. I want to be a part of this.” And this feeling has stayed with me well into my adult years. A few years back, I was probably 22 at the time, I just felt like it was time. Time for what, I didn’t know. I didn’t know until .. well.. I did.
On a Wednesday evening after a
church service at Crossing Place Church I went up to our pastor, Den Hussey,
and I said, “It’s time. It’s time for my mission trip. You guys going anywhere
this year?” He politely told me that particular year the church wasn’t going
anywhere, but he knew people. He handed me a Matthew 25 International business
card with a young, beautiful couple on it. He said, “Hannah e-mail them. These
are great people. This organization has children’s homes worldwide. I’m sure
they would love for you to be a part of their team.” So, I took the card, but
doubt started creeping into my heart prolonging my e-mail. I started to think
this was way too good to be true. “Hannah, there is no way you’ll be able to
afford this. They won’t want you on their team. Who are you kidding? You’re
Catholic and these people affiliate with the Assemblies of God. There’s just no
way.” Well, I sat on it for a day or two, and finally on the Friday I decided
it was worth a shot. That’s been the best “it’s worth a shot” I’ve ever
experienced. Best “shot” ever. I decided to e-mail Mike Rebich, the man on the
Matthew 25 business card, and the e-mail basically described who I was, why I
wanted to be a part of their team, and so forth. Thankfully, I received a
pretty quick reply from Mike, and his response went something like, “Hannah, we
would love for you to be a part of our team, but I would really like for you to
pray on it for a few days because this isn’t cheap and it’s kind of a big deal.
You want to make sure this is where God wants you.”
So,
I did. I prayed.
My prayer went along the lines
of:
“Lord, if Peru is where you want me for those two weeks in July
please send me some kind of sign. If it’s Your Will let it happen easily, but
if not take it away.”
I basically wanted one of those V8 slaps in
the head kind of sign, and boy did I get it.
This part of my life is where God
truly became REAL to me. I always believed, but I KNEW there was more than just
church on Sunday. I was at a place in my life where I wanted to not only know
Him, but I wanted a relationship with Him. Boy, did he show up. He showed me
just how intimate and personal He really is with His children, and friends,
after that I’ve never been the same.
Quick timeline:
Wednesday: Ask pastor; receive
business card
Friday: finally email Mike
Now, Sunday rolls around and I
attend mass with my dad then Crossing Place service. (Which Dad would say I was
“double dipping” lol).
Well, at mass that Sunday there’s a
missionary priest there to talk to the parishioners about the mission field,
where he’s stationed, etc. This doesn’t happen every single Sunday, MAYBE every
once in a blue moon. I thought, “Okay God, I see you.” I took it as a sign, but
I didn’t think too deeply into it.
Monday rolls around, and I have
to go to work. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a respiratory therapist.
Breathing treatments, ventilators, arterial blood gases, phlegm –that’s my jam.
Anyways. I go to work, and we have a patient who had been with us for some
time. Well, she was pretty sick and needed to be transferred to another
facility. This was supposed to happen the Friday before, but the facility
didn’t have a bed for her, leaving her at my place of employment for the
weekend. I go into her room Monday. I hug her. I hug her husband because she’d
be leaving within the next few hours. Well, a lady gets off the couch and she
hugs me. She thanks me for taking care of her sister, and then she pulls away.
My heart sank, and all I could manage to say was, “You’re my sign. You’re my
sign.” She was wearing a Matthew 25 International t-shirt. I’m crying at this
point, and the people in the room are a bit confused. She looks at me and says,
“Wait a minute. You’re Hannah? My name is Amber Kimball. My husband and I are
the cofounders of Matthew 25 International. My husband received all the e-mails
between you and Mike. So, we knew a “Hannah” wanted to go with us this summer
to Peru. You’re Hannah.” At this point, there isn’t a dry eye in the room. I
couldn’t believe it.
WAS. THIS. REALLY. HAPPENING.
When I asked for a V8 pop in the face – I had NO idea that God would actually give me such a clear sign like that, but He showed up for me. He showed up for me because of His faithfulness. He made it clear that He wanted ME in Peru. I couldn’t wait to get home to tell my parents. There was absolutely NO way that I would miss this opportunity because God made is SO CLEAR. They couldn’t deny His hand here, and guys – that was the BEST two weeks of my life.
But wait, there’s more. Prior to all of this happening, I planned a trip to Iowa to visit with a good friend of mine for a few days. I get on my flight from New Orleans to Atlanta, and when we get to Atlanta we’re running a few minutes late. By the time I’m getting off this plane, my connecting flight was boarding, and OF COURSE (my luck) it’s in an entirely different concourse. I’m not sure if you’ve ever been to the Atlanta airport but it’s absolutely MASSIVE. I’m running. I’m running in flats and a maxi dress across the airport. I’m sure it was a scene to behold. I finally get to the gate all out of breath, and thankfully they hadn’t closed the plane door yet. I was the last one to board the plane. I finally get to the back where my seat is located, and of course, there’s a man in my seat. So, I say, “Sir, you’re in my seat.” His response went something like this, “Aw man. It’s crowded back there with my kids and wife.” (LOL Typical?). And truthfully, I could already tell that him and the gentleman next to him had already kicked it off. They must have both been running from their wives. Anyways. On the aisle across from me an older man pats the seat next to him and says, “Sweetheart, sit here. They don’t pay attention to all that.” Reluctantly, I sat down. Well, me and this fellow start talking, and in conversation I come to the conclusion that he’s a Christian. So, I took this as a PRIME opportunity to tell him what God was doing in my life. I was going to Peru in a matter of weeks. As the plane was descending towards Des Moines, the gentleman who I now know as Mr. Ken, took out a small notepad and pen. He asked three questions. “What’s your name again? Tell me again what organization you’re traveling with? And do they have a website?” After he just said, “Well, I want to send you some money,” and I didn’t think too much of it. I thanked him and told him it was nice meeting/talking to him, and we went on our separate ways.
A few days pass and I decide to
randomly check my email.
Well, I received an e-mail from Mike Rebich (business card/e-mail guy), and it went something along the lines of:
“Hannah, greetings from Peru. (He
was already there). Today we received a donation in your name from a man who
sat next to you on a plane. He promised to send you some money.”
….
….
Well, he did.
….
….
$1,000”.
Wait. Wait a second. What?
Yeah friend. You read that right.
This complete stranger sent me $1,000 to go towards my first mission trip to Peru. That was half my expenses already. Boom. Paid. I was in complete and utter awe. I was in awe at the fact that someone I didn’t know from Adam would send me that kind of money to help me get to Peru. I was in awe of what God was doing. I was in awe of what God did. He obviously wanted me there. Amber Kimball and the shirt were the signs, but this stranger – this stranger was the confirmation that I was walking in the will of God. God wanted me to travel to the middle of the Amazon Jungle, and my life would forever be wrecked because of it, but wrecked in the most beautiful way. Funny thing is too – that also wasn’t Mr. Ken’s seat on the plane. Can you say divine appointment? Also, just a side note, but a few years later I received a letter and check in the mail. He sent me a check for $1,000 for the next mission trip I’d be a part of.
WOW.
Over the years we’ve stayed in contact. I’ve sent letters, pictures, and trinkets from Peru, but I cannot tell you how thankful I am that this man felt led to help me out. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that God chose ME. God fulfilled that deep desire in my bones to go on a mission trip, and I know without a doubt that missions will ALWAYS be a part of who I am, whether it be long term or short term trips – this was what I was made for.
Leaving the first time was one of the hardest things I’ve ever encountered. A brother, Yomer, holding onto me for dear life as we were trying to leave the home saying, “No Hermana, No Hermana.” He didn’t want me to leave. Someone had to pry him off of me, and I had to scoot out the gate. I hear, “Hannah, don’t look back.” What did I do? I looked back only to see his hands and head poking out the gate crying as we were walking farther and farther away from the place where Jesus became real for me and where my heart would forever reside. Most of the way home I was in tears, and that’s a LONG trip.
Friends, I’ve never been the same since this divine opportunity and divine encounter with God. It allowed me to see Jesus in everything. I saw Jesus in the way these children, who have absolutely nothing, offer their last piece of candy to the missionaries there to love on them. Their hearts and generosity could teach people a thing or two. I saw Jesus in the church service that was probably 1,000 plus people worshipping the same God that I serve, and looking at some of these people, seeing that they have little to nothing, but seeing their worship as the purest thing my eyes have ever laid eyes on-that was Jesus. I saw Jesus in views and the mountains and trees in the Amazon. I saw Jesus everywhere and because of this I will forever be beautifully wrecked.
Forever.
I had the opportunity to go back in 2018, and again it was one of the best experiences of my life. When you can find joy in scrubbing the bathroom at a children’s home feeling completely and utterly honored. When you can leave a place feeling so filled with joy, love, and peace. When you can feel within the depths of your being that you’re in the center of God’s Will for your life. Friends, it’s in these places where Jesus resides. It’s in these places where He breaks your heart only to piece it together but more beautiful than it’s ever been.
I think for me – telling this story is what
my heart needs right now. Being reminded of His faithfulness and goodness gives
my weary heart hope for better days. Remembering His faithfulness and speaking
of His faithfulness ignites something in us that sparks a flame that may have
faded because of the trials of life, and tonight – I needed that spark to be
lit again.
But for those who are reading – first off, if you made it this far in my blog post – go you! This is a biggin’ LOL. Second, if you’re finding yourself in a place where weariness and pain seem to be taking over in your heart – Friend, remember His faithfulness. Speak of His faithfulness. Write of His faithfulness because sometimes we just need those precious reminders of who HE is. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that it’s HIM in control of every little aspect of our lives. Sometimes we just need to praise in the hallway and choose praise in the midst of the chaos. We need to choose HIM in the midst of the chaos. I’ll repeat this one.
We NEED to CHOOSE HIM in the MIDST of the CHAOS.
“God, I know things aren’t looking great for me right now, but Lord, I trust you. Lord, you are still good. Even if this doesn’t work out the way that I want it to, you are still good. Your Will is better than my own. You are faithful. Forever faithful.”
It’s
okay to feel defeated, but even in that defeat choose to remember that He IS
faithful. Choose to remember that He is good. He is merciful and loving. He
fulfills the desires in our hearts because He’s the one who put them there in
the first place.
I hope this finds someone tonight and serves as a reminder to choose praise regardless of your circumstance. If your circumstance seems hopeless – choose Him anyways. Choose Jesus regardless of the pain. Remember the times He’s come through for you. He has never failed you, and friend, He never WILL because
He IS FAITHFUL.
Love you, friends.
Xo
-H
Beautifully Wrecked & Gracefully Broken 