Within the last few weeks, I’ve almost become obsessed with reorganizing my house. I’ve become obsessed with making corners of my home speak of love and happiness because for some time my home wasn’t a place of peace. It was a place of disagreement and disarray. When you think about it, our home is just an extension of who we are. It’s an extension of our heart and energy, and I’m claiming the space that I fill this year. I’m continually purging and organizing. It’s pretty freeing, actually. So, this one is a good reminder for me. Happiness— It’s made in the home, in a physical sense, but also a figurative sense, and I’m trying to make my house a home that brings my own heart peace again. As well as digging deep to embrace the moments where I’m happy and joyful, but also embracing when times aren’t as great.
In the past, I have struggled to “find happiness.” I’ve struggled to find it as if it were something I needed to search for. As if it were something I lost when in reality it was there all along changing with the waves of my own emotions. Honestly, I’ve put unrealistic expectations on people around me. Unrealistic expectations for them to be the sole reason for my own happiness. I’ve placed it on friends, family, and relationships. I’ve made happiness an idol, yearning to find it, so consumed in the search, and when I was anything but, I’ve blamed God because of it. As if it were His fault for my lack of contentment in the season I found myself in.
I’ve also carried happiness around like it was the only emotion worthy of show and tell. As if it were the only emotion worthy to show the world, and because I’ve done this .. I’ve realized the facade it places on my life and my story, and a facade is not the legacy I want to leave behind. I want to leave a legacy of happiness and joy. Fulfillment and peace. Truth and vulnerability, but I also want to be known as someone whose faith is steady. I want to be known as someone who doesn’t depend solely on another for the happiness I radiate and who also gives grace to myself and others when happiness is afar. Happiness doesn’t come from my situation or your situation. It doesn’t come from the love of another or the company of a companion. It doesn’t come from being a mom or a wife or even at this point in my life, a girlfriend. It doesn’t come from our success and social status. It doesn’t come from anyone, but me or you. Happiness comes from within. It comes from our creator. It comes from the pit of our souls. It comes from the heart—the very center of who we are. It’s something that is indeed worthy to share with the world, but listen here .. happiness shouldn’t be the only emotion we yearn for either. It shouldn’t be the only emotion we are brave enough to portray, and I want to acknowledge that.
How about joy? And peace? How about letting go of fear of judgement and not being afraid to say, “Yep, I’m stuck today. I’m in a funk..” How about giving ourselves grace when we feel anything but the pure state of contentment? How about we soak in the moments where we do feel contentment and joy, but how about not robbing ourselves when we feel anything but? How about we let ourselves feel? And give ourselves the grace in which we need to do so?
This is just weighing heavily on my heart tonight. Yes, happiness is homemade. It is. It doesn’t come from another, but you don’t have to be happy all the time either. It’s okay. You’re okay .. & you’re going to be okay. Dig deep. Realize the happiness that deserves to be told of, but give yourself grace on the days where happiness is the farthest thing from the reality you see. Embrace the joyful moments. Embrace moments of pure content, but embrace the hard days too. God’s on the mountain with us, but He’s in the valley too. I love you, friends.
Xo.
Beautifully Wrecked & Gracefully Broken 